Tug-o-war

Monday we accepted an offer on our house, which means we are moving! It also means that I am so sad I could cry. And actually, I have, a lot. We have had our house on the market for one year and eight months. You would think by now that I would be absolutely ecstatic that we finally sold. However, since it has taken so long, selling just seemed like something that would happen sometime in the future that I actually put it out of my mind. So now that it is actually going to happen, I feel very unprepared. My emotions are very raw and I feel an absurd amount of sadness that I have to leave my life here in this neighborhood. It's silly and incredibly selfish, but my life is here. I don't want to leave all of my friends behind. I know I will make new friends in our new neighborhood, but I want these friends. They are my girls night buddies, my ladies lunch group, my support, my sanity and my best friends. It's not like we are moving out of the country, we are moving across town. You would think that moving a few miles away wouldn't rock my friendship world. But I've seen it happen. People move out of a neighborhood and they move on. You make new friends in your new neighborhood and your old friends in your old neighborhood move on too. I don't want to be forgotten! I sound like a nine year old little girl sad to move away from my best friend next door. I've been there, done that. And now I'm doing it again! My heart is in the midst of a tug-o-war. Happy to get a new home / so sad to have to move.
Last night after a spontaneous girls night to go see the late showing of Valentine's Day, I came home and cried my eyes out. I have got to get a grip on my wallowing in self pity. Really, it's going to be fine. I can't waste any more time worrying about my social life. I need to concentrate on finding the perfect home for my growing family. It will be great. All will be well. It is a blessing to add new friends to the old friends and keep the circle growing :) No more sadness, only great anticipation in the changes to come.

Yoga + 4 little boys = well, read on....

Ever since yesterday morning, my boys have been asking to do my Yoga with me. I thought, "oh how nice, my boys want to do something that I'm interested in with me". So, last night after dinner, Tyler asked again and I consented. The boys got changed into their "comfy" clothes, I turned on Namaste Yoga that I had DVR'd earlier that morning and we were ready to go. We were all spread out through our tiny living room. The warm up started and Tyler proceeded to tell me that this isn't anything like what he thought it would be. He kept saying "this is it"? Yes, Tyler, was my reply, this is it. After about two minutes, Ben and Will were bored and started running in and out and through the living room. Tyler couldn't get the poses right, but he was sure trying. I couldn't exactly breathe right because Ben and Will were making me laugh and Tyler was grunting and groaning, which caused me to laugh even harder. At one point, Tyler shot straight up out of down dog and said "I accidentally farted trying to do that one". Ya, that pretty much ended my yoga session until things calmed down a bit. Even though it didn't provide much exercise last night, it sure made me love my little boys even more. Precious Mommy / Sons bonding time that I will chuckle about forever.

One of those days...

It's just been one of those days where all of my introspective thoughts have driven me past the point of sanity. I've been thinking a lot lately about my "youth". You know, the days when you felt invinceable. The world was mine for the taking. I was going to do anything I wanted and be dang good at it. I often wish I had my youthful confidence back. Even though some of it was due to good ole fashion ignorance to the real world, I would really like to look at myself in the mirror and know that I can do anything I wanted and be dang good at it. So much of my thoughts lately have been turned to all of my inadequacies. Which, let 's face it, is one of the biggest no-nos of all time. What a great way to depress the spirit and encourage despondency. So - maybe instead of wishing for my "youthful confidence" I will just look in the mirror every morning and say to myself - that I am going to do anything I want and be dang good at it. I'm going to want to get my laundry done, my dishes out of the sink, my sweet little boys read to every night (it's their favorite thing of all time), my hair done, my baby kissed and kissed, my husband encouraged and loved and I'm going to be dang good at it. Maybe it's not that I've lost my confidence after all, maybe I just needed to redirect my attention to the things I need to be good at and what I want to be good at and make it one and the same. I think I might have just solved my own problem.
Funny that I'm blogging when I won't even give out my blog address, I've been too afraid of being criticized for my posts. Well, no more. I will give it out and gladly take the critcism. This has actually been incredibly cleansing for me. So, to the infinite blog world, I appreciate the space to search my inner me freely! Looks like tomorrow is going to be a pretty good day :)